Cherish
by LoveAcrossTime
Summary: He knew that he would never see her again. But there was a part of him that still had hope. Much as he despised that little glimmer of hope, it was there, buried somewhere deep in his heart. And he knew that it was all that was keeping him alive. -IK-


A/N: So. Those of you who know my writing are probably, right about now, going, in an all-caps sort of way, "SHE WROTE SOMETHING?!" And, those of you who don't...aren't, and don't care. But yes. I did write something. What's funny is that I have 20+ incomplete fics (and several complete ones) just sitting around on my hard drive, that one of these days I may actually finish and post. But instead of finishing one of them, you know what I did? I sat down and spontaneously wrote a oneshot out of nowhere. Completely ignoring all the various plots I've been concocting for months...I wrote this. So. I hope you enjoy it, and, with just a little bit of further ado...here you go!

A little bit of further ado: Copyright issues. Do not want. I own nothing, 'kay?

A little bit more further ado: This fic contains sort-of-spoilers for the last chapter of Inuyasha. If you don't want to know, don't read.

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**Cherish**

"G'night."

Sango glanced up. "Are you going to sleep in the forest again?"

Inuyasha winced at the sympathy in her tone. He didn't need that. He thought he'd done a better job than that of convincing them.

At least she didn't ask if he was okay.

"Yeah."

There was a pause. Inuyasha could feel Sango's indecision. He knew that she was debating with herself, unsure whether it was better to let him go or try to convince him to stay. A small part of him would've liked to say something to reassure her, something to make her forget about him, to enjoy the life that she'd finally achieved. That small part of him knew that it wasn't fair that he should damper his friends' happiness. They had what they had always wanted. If only they could just forget about him.

He sighed. That part of him was too small. The rest of him had learned how to be numb. Had learned how to simply extinguish the beginnings of any emotion. Had learned far too well. He had forgotten how to feel anything. But that was exactly how he wanted it.

"G'night," he muttered again, gruffly, retreating into the forest. He had no desire to wait, no desire to hear her answer. The pain was bad enough; it was worse when he had to work to disguise it. He wouldn't disturb his friends' happiness. They had fought so hard for it, almost lost it so many times...and now they had it.

Inuyasha really did wish that he could be happy for them. But he had forgotten how to be happy.

No, that wasn't true, not really. It wasn't that he had _forgotten_. He would never, never forget. It was that it had been taken away from him. His happiness had been with him for only a year before it had been snatched away. It wasn't fair. Finally, finally, he had found it. Not it...she. She had come to him. She _was_ his happiness. And now she was gone.

Silently, Inuyasha leapt into a tree, careful to stay far from the well. He had visited it already that day. _Every three days_, he had sworn to himself. If he went more often, he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. He wouldn't be able to hold up his façade any longer. He would have to leave, to go far, far away. But he couldn't do that. Not if there was a change...even the tiniest chance...

So he stayed. Every three days was reasonable. He couldn't forget her words, could not, even if he tried, forget the exact timbre of her voice, its essence, its very _vibrations_. "I'll be back in three days," she said. How many times? He couldn't remember. Countless. For all he knew, she had said that. Just before they had been separated, she had said it, perhaps. Maybe one day he would wake up and it _would_ be true. She _would_ have said it, and she _would_ be back.

Three days felt reasonable. Three days made it feel like old times. Three days might make him forget.

Although he doubted it. He doubted he would ever forget. Not one single aspect. He couldn't. If he forgot...if he forgot anything, any tiny little detail about her existence...she would really be gone. Forever. And he would no longer have any reason to go on.

Leaning back against the tree, Inuyasha closed his eyes. He had no intention of sleeping; he knew the pain that that brought. He was strong; he could go days without sleep. And by the time he finally did sleep, he would be far too exhausted to dream. That was the best way to go about it. Besides, lack of sleep helped with being numb.

But now it was his time. The very best time of day. His friends were asleep, the whole world was asleep...he had no reason to pretend. And so he didn't have to. And it was during this time that he could let himself remember. With no one to see him, no one to intrude on his precious, precious memories...he could reach down into the depths of his mind, past the exhaustion, past the numbness, past the pain...and remember. Remember so clearly that if he closed his eyes and let his sleep-deprived brain immerse itself fully in the memories...he could almost imagine that they were real.

Slowly, he built up an image. Her vague form. The strange outfit that she always wore. The color of her skin. Then her hair, long, raven-colored, shimmering. He added texture. He could feel the softness of her hair as it brushed against his shoulder, feel each individual strand. Then her features; her nose, her mouth, her ears. He finished with her eyes. Chocolatey brown, deep, endless, warm. So very warm. He added a sparkle. She was happy. She smiled at him. She was alive, she was real, she was right there.

Inuyasha smiled back at her.

And then her voice. The light puff of breath before she spoke. The gentle way she said his name, the emotion contained in that one single word. Intense. Incredible. Her touch. Her hand brushing his. He could feel her hands, soft, so very innocent, just starting to form the calluses of an archer. He continued. Her scent. Her warm, sweet, enveloping scent. Her indescribable, amazing, wonderful scent that wrapped around him and kept him warm, kept him safe. Her very essence. She was _real_.

And then the memories came, flooding him. Kagome smiling. Kagome calling his name. Kagome holding his hand. Kagome rushing up to him, terrified. Kagome crying out in fear. Kagome bandaging his wounds. Kagome yelling at him. The spark of anger in Kagome's eyes that he had learned to fear. He would give anything just to see that angry glimmer one more time. And then Kagome fighting. Kagome crying. Kagome's warmth the few times that he had held her in his arms. Kagome running at him, Kagome hugging him.

Kagome.

Inuyasha refused to open his eyes. No. Not when he could see her, feel her. Not when she was right there. But he knew better than to reach out for her, knew better than to try to speak to her, to try to touch her, to hold her. He had tried. He couldn't risk breaking the illusion. Inuyasha kept his eyes clenched shut, his body perfectly still, and Kagome was there with him.

Her presence had seemed so very...necessary, once. She was simply always there. Of course she was. Even though she was always precarious...even though he'd always felt as though he just might lose her...she was obviously and concretely there. And if she left him, he could always go to her. Now, he mocked his self of back then. How he had been torn with misery whenever she left him. He should have been glad. He should have been glad knowing that she would come back, glad knowing that he could go get her. He shouldn't have been so stubborn.

It wasn't that he regretted fighting with her. There was not a single moment that he had spent with her that he regretted. The moments he regretted were those that he had_ not_ spent with her. How could he have ever left her side, even for a second? If he had known, then...if he hadn't been so stupid...if he'd only known that that year, that one precious, glorious year, was all that he would have...he would never have left her. Not once. There were other things he would have done, too, and said. If only he hadn't taken her presence for granted. If only he had _known_.

He knew that he would never see her again. But he knew also that a part of him still had hope. Much as he despised that little glimmer of hope, it was there, buried somewhere deep in his heart. He hated it, hated it with every ounce of his being. And he knew that it was all that was keeping him alive.

He only hoped that she was happy. He hoped that she had forgotten him. He hoped that she had moved on with her life, just as she had always talked of doing. Gone right back to her normal life. Forgotten them all, forgotten their world. He hoped that she was happy being with the people she loved. And he hoped that they appreciated her, that they didn't take her presence for granted, as he had done. He hoped that they treated her better than he had. He hoped that they never once made her cry. He hoped that she was always happy, always smiling.

That was all that he wanted.

If he had any sign that she was smiling, he could finally let go. Give up completely. He would finally be happy, because she was happy. It wasn't that he could go on without her; he knew that. But as long as she was happy, it was fine. He could go. Just...go.

But he had to wait. Just in case. Just in case she wasn't happy. He had sworn to protect her, after all. He would kill anyone who made her cry.

In his mind's eye, he wrapped his arms around her, held her close to him. He felt her shaking, felt her warm tears soaking his shirt. He held her closer, closer...he would kill whoever had made her sad...kill them, rip them up into tiny shreds, tear at them until every trace of their being was erased forever...

No. No, he couldn't picture her this way. She was happy. She had to be happy. She had her world, and the people whom she loved. He shook his head vigorously, willing the image to go away. He wanted the happy Kagome image back. That was how she was. At this very moment, she was smiling. He was certain of it. She _had_ to be.

And he knew that she existed. Out there, somewhere...five hundred years and who knew how many worlds away...she was there. She was still _real_.

He clenched his fists. It was the only reason that he was still alive. _She_ was the very reason for his existence. And she was real, she was there, she was living and breathing and loving. His Kagome was still there.

Forcing himself—knowing that he couldn't stay in his memories forever, knowing that if he did, he would start to believe them...start to believe that she really was there...and then the realization of the truth would be made all the more painful, all the more unbearable, and he would become all the more likely to give up completely—Inuyasha opened his eyes. The forest was dark and wet, and he was alone. Completely and utterly alone. As it should be. As it always, always would be. She wasn't returning to him. But for her sake, he would wait, living only on his memories. They were all that he had left. But they were all that he needed. For the impossible dream of that day, far in the future, that would never come...Inuyasha lived on.

_888_

A voice, a whisper in the silence. Inuyasha started, lurched forward, dug his claws into the tree. His feet were tangled. Around...what? A touch. His body jerked forward again.

_888_

Inuyasha's eyes flew open.

The voice came again, only louder, clearer, more concrete.

"Inuyasha?" There was worry in the voice, but it was gentle. Soft.

He blinked. The forest...where was the forest? Where had the walls come from?

Where was he?

His breath returned in rush. Blinking more slowly this time, Inuyasha took another deep, shaky breath, filling his lungs with the sweet air, the warmth of the hut. And the scent. The scent that was real and absolute and there.

"Kagome."

"You're awake!" Her voice held relief. "You wouldn't wake up! You were shaking, and your fists were clenched..."

He turned. There she was. Not a smiling, inconcrete, half-there Kagome. She was real, and her endless brown eyes were worried.

Nonetheless, Inuyasha felt like laughing with relief.

Letting his breath out slowly, he smiled at her. "Sorry I worried you, Kagome. It was just a dream."

She blinked. "You still look freaked out," she murmured. Smiling a little, she wrapped her hand around his, gently unballing his fist. "What did you dream?"

Inuyasha looked down at his other hand. It, too, was still clenched. Laughing, he relaxed it, reaching up to play with a lock of her hair. "A memory," he said.

Kagome winced. "Again?" She intertwined her fingers with his.

He nodded. "Only it was so clear this time..." he muttered. Kagome paused, biting her lip. And then her eyes sparkled. With her other hand, she reached up and, very gently, slapped him.

Inuyasha blinked. "What was that for?"

"You could feel it, couldn't you?" Kagome smiled. "I promise you that I'm right here."

And then Inuyasha laughed. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close, buried his nose in her hair, breathed in her warm scent. "Thank you, Kagome."

"Mmm." She snuggled closer. "That didn't hurt, did it?"

He laughed again. "'Course not."

"Darn."

"Hey! What was that, wench?"

"What do you think, dog boy?" Kagome giggled.

"What'd you call me?" Inuyasha murmured, pulling back slightly to nuzzle her neck with the tip of his nose. Kagome squealed, which just made Inuyasha laugh. "Promise me you'll never leave me again?" he murmured.

"You left me, silly."

Inuyasha pulled away again, just slightly, to look her in the face. "Not on purpose."

Kagome looked up at him, and he met her sparkling, eternal eyes full-on. As ever, he was transfixed. One glance, and she had complete power over him. He knew it. It had always been true. "I know," she said. "And I promise."

Silently, he nodded. Then he took a breath. "I know," he whispered. "And you know that I would never, never leave you again."

By way of an answer, Kagome closed her eyes, leaned forward, and kissed him.

Inuyasha kissed her back, tightening his grasp on her again, pulling her close to him, cradling her in his arms. She was small and fragile. She could float away at any moment. He loved her more than anything on earth, more than he'd ever thought it possible to love. And he knew that she would never leave.

Gently, he pulled away, and just as gently, he lay down, pulling her along with him. She followed, wrapping her arms around him, resting her head on his chest.

Inuyasha still had his memories. Each and every one of them, he would cherish. The painful ones right along with the happy ones. He would never forget those three years through which he had just barely managed to stay alive. But, for the first time in his life, he did not cling to his memories. Because he was happy. Because the one he loved was with him, always and forever. For the first time...Inuyasha would cherish the present.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! Please review; I do need my nectar of life. 8D As ever, I will not accept or tolerate flaming, as it is immature as well as simply impolite. However, I love and welcome all constructive criticism!

Thanks so much for reading!


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